This is how I saw M. Today
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Another day full of surprises
Today was a bit of a bumpy road. M. didn't want to go walk the field as usual. I had a hard time even getting her to come out of the classroom. She was busy picking the strings out of her socks and refused to be interrupted. I finally walked to the door, and told her, "I will be going now, I will be over here". She got up and hurried to the door with her shoe in hand. I told her she needed to put her shoe on, she ignored me and kept walking. When she felt the ground on her foot, she was upset. I reminded her she needed her shoe. So she put it on and went towards the field. She crouched down as she usually does after her lap. I asked her to go walk, but she just ignored me and kept picking her socks. Her teacher said it was ok, she didn't have to go.
Back in the classroom she was ok, but having little hiccups. She kept turning to the wall and ignoring me. I gave her time, and waited it out. She was more obsessed than usual with the sock strings today, and kept talking in little voices. It was like she had blocked me and everyone around her. i gently tried and she did do her work. In spurts, but did it. She kept having issues where she would be working, then suddenly scream, and flutter, then continue. At one point I walked off for something and she had hopped up on her chair screaming. What surprises me is that her teacher will tell her, firmly, but politely, that she has to calm down, and that this is unacceptable. She listens and complies. If I did that, she would get worse.
She kept having small outbursts. That is until she tried to do math on Chrome book. she got an answer wrong, and got upset. i tried to get her to keep going. She got another wrong, so she got so mad, that we could just not continue. She ended up screaming, hissing and thrashing around. If I am correct, I remember her teacher stopped by to ask her to calm down. We stopped and she cried and cried quietly. I tried to calm her, talk to her. I told her that we all make mistakes and it is ok, but we need to keep trying. I am not sure she heard me. I think she did, but at that point it didn't matter. I remember one of the ladies I talked to that was autistic under Asperger's. She said that autistic people are terrified of not being good enough; and they are so hard on themselves. They want to do right, and get so frustrated when they don't get things right.
Later on, I had to get her on her reading program on Chrome book. She was kind of ok, but still bothered. She again, got a spelling question wrong and lost her cool again. It was screaming, laying down on the chairs, crying and at one point she grabbed my arms hard. I asked her to let my arm go, Not sure what she wanted, but it was worrying me because it seemed it was out of anger and frustration. I also caught her at one point, when she was getting upset at the reading program. She was like holding onto a scream that was building up. I then noticed she had her right hand on her throat, she was starting to turn red. I grabbed that hand and it was tight around the front of her neck. It was not easy to pry it off. And yes, at first I tried to get her to grab her pencil, getting her hand off her throat, but that didn't work. I asked her calmly to let me see her hand. But when she started turning red, I had to pry it off. Sigh.. I remember reading something about self harm before on this. I will go search that link again.
After all that, I gave her a moment, then presented her with a math coloring activity she didn't finish yesterday. (or the day before) She was calm and colored while talking in the small voices. I can't make out most of what she is saying. Sounds like repeating tv shows. She speaks like cartoon people. I brought her some play-do and the gel in the packet. She liked touching the gel. I asked if she liked play-do. She did, and I let her use it for a bit. It was good to watch her build a little monster while singing so softly you could barely hear it. I have not heard her sing like that before.
I then asked her to put up the play-do and do some of her work. 2 pages and then we can use play-do again. She was ok with it, but before finishing the work, she kept trying to snatch the play-do. She was getting mad. She wanted it NOW, or else. i asked her to finish up. I had to hide it behind me until she did. It worked out ok.
Teacher said we have to work on not getting so mad when she makes mistakes. I will have to try to figure out a way to have her understand that. Not sure exactly how quite yet.
Back in the classroom she was ok, but having little hiccups. She kept turning to the wall and ignoring me. I gave her time, and waited it out. She was more obsessed than usual with the sock strings today, and kept talking in little voices. It was like she had blocked me and everyone around her. i gently tried and she did do her work. In spurts, but did it. She kept having issues where she would be working, then suddenly scream, and flutter, then continue. At one point I walked off for something and she had hopped up on her chair screaming. What surprises me is that her teacher will tell her, firmly, but politely, that she has to calm down, and that this is unacceptable. She listens and complies. If I did that, she would get worse.
She kept having small outbursts. That is until she tried to do math on Chrome book. she got an answer wrong, and got upset. i tried to get her to keep going. She got another wrong, so she got so mad, that we could just not continue. She ended up screaming, hissing and thrashing around. If I am correct, I remember her teacher stopped by to ask her to calm down. We stopped and she cried and cried quietly. I tried to calm her, talk to her. I told her that we all make mistakes and it is ok, but we need to keep trying. I am not sure she heard me. I think she did, but at that point it didn't matter. I remember one of the ladies I talked to that was autistic under Asperger's. She said that autistic people are terrified of not being good enough; and they are so hard on themselves. They want to do right, and get so frustrated when they don't get things right.
Later on, I had to get her on her reading program on Chrome book. She was kind of ok, but still bothered. She again, got a spelling question wrong and lost her cool again. It was screaming, laying down on the chairs, crying and at one point she grabbed my arms hard. I asked her to let my arm go, Not sure what she wanted, but it was worrying me because it seemed it was out of anger and frustration. I also caught her at one point, when she was getting upset at the reading program. She was like holding onto a scream that was building up. I then noticed she had her right hand on her throat, she was starting to turn red. I grabbed that hand and it was tight around the front of her neck. It was not easy to pry it off. And yes, at first I tried to get her to grab her pencil, getting her hand off her throat, but that didn't work. I asked her calmly to let me see her hand. But when she started turning red, I had to pry it off. Sigh.. I remember reading something about self harm before on this. I will go search that link again.
After all that, I gave her a moment, then presented her with a math coloring activity she didn't finish yesterday. (or the day before) She was calm and colored while talking in the small voices. I can't make out most of what she is saying. Sounds like repeating tv shows. She speaks like cartoon people. I brought her some play-do and the gel in the packet. She liked touching the gel. I asked if she liked play-do. She did, and I let her use it for a bit. It was good to watch her build a little monster while singing so softly you could barely hear it. I have not heard her sing like that before.
I then asked her to put up the play-do and do some of her work. 2 pages and then we can use play-do again. She was ok with it, but before finishing the work, she kept trying to snatch the play-do. She was getting mad. She wanted it NOW, or else. i asked her to finish up. I had to hide it behind me until she did. It worked out ok.
Teacher said we have to work on not getting so mad when she makes mistakes. I will have to try to figure out a way to have her understand that. Not sure exactly how quite yet.
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
Uncovering more
I shared the information I found yesterday with the teacher. I sent her the link to the page.
I do not know really if this applies to M. But even if it doesn't, learning how to deal with this behavior can be so helpful.
We had a good day today, M. did her school work well. When she got to school she was pensive. Her mood was out of the ordinary; just quiet, almost sad, but not quite. When the thought of "sad?" crossed my mind, she smiled. I think she knew I was searching for clues.
When we worked on the white boards, she did great! she still glanced at the multiplication chart, but not a lot. She even wrote her own problems on one side. As usual, I tell her do the problems, I take a pic, and then she can have a chip. (token). Then I ask if she wants to erase the board, or shall I do it? She responds better if I give her choices. I noticed in that info about PDA. It says they like to be in charge. I see that she wants to be the one to make the choices. So I tested that approach and it worked (today). I notice that about things, and when I write math problems for her. One day I was putting a check mark when she finished one, and then go to the next problem. She took the marker and insisted to give herself a check mark. Not me, she had to do it. She does the same with other work, she gives herself a star.
Today, when she went on her Chrome book, she was on Math fluency. She was doing fine, but the addition was getting increasingly more difficult than last times. She made a mistake and got frustrated. I was able to calm her, and she continued. After she got a few wrong, she was mad. She did great: SHE HIT THE BREAK BUTTON when she started losing her cool. She actually stopped herself, calmed down and hit the break button. I thanked her for doing the right thing. I told her how I appreciated that she hit the button and calmed down, instead of getting mad. She sat quietly and cried softly. I talked to her softly and told her that it is OK to make mistakes. All we can do is learn and try again. I told her that she did right in asking for a break. We can continue in a few minutes and try again. When a few minutes were over, I asked her if she was OK, and we could now try again. She said "no", and got upset, but she didn't scream this time. I said "OK, we can do fluency in another way". So I asked the teacher for a worksheet. M. did her math on paper. I showed her how to pair 2 numbers and add the third. I showed her once! I didn't do it for her, (that makes her mad). I just showed her.. "These two numbers, you can add them, then add the top number". (We have done this before). She worked on it with no trouble at all, and finished it up.
After that, she was able to follow what the teacher was working on, on the board. She wrote it all down as I explained what the numbers were doing. I know she listened, even though it may take her a while to absorb it. I know.. Been there, done that. it all becomes a "grab now, think later", when you are frustrated or tired..
During recess, she did what she usually does, sit and sometimes play on the playground. Walking back to the classroom, she still tries to hold my hand, but only for a few seconds. It has to be her choice.. so I let it be this way. It is good. :)
After recess, we had to go to speech. I had no idea why she would get so mad in there. More often than not, she gets mad and starts throwing herself on me or the chair. The teacher gets frustrated and one time we actually had to almost carry her to go back to the classroom. The teacher actually had all the students leave and he turned off the lights. She still wouldn't straighten up. I managed to get her up and back to the classroom.
When we started, he used to tell me I can go, and come back for her later. I said I don't have anywhere to go, I stay. But I saw how she had issues. It has been difficult.
Today was no exception, but I think I know what is going on now. I talked to the teacher before, we thought of the humming of the neon lighting, or the sounds, or too bright. Nope.. Today I realized that the teacher raises his voice trying to get her attention. It's worse than trying to yell at a deaf person. While she was laid on the chair screaming, he kept speaking loudly.. "Do you want to go back to the classroom M? ...." Then he asked me as I was trying to calm her down. "have you tried any negative reinforcement with her?" I was so confused about that.. my head said "how can you even think of that?" But I didn't say it. I asked how. he said like telling her I will tell her teacher on her or something... threatening her with punishment maybe. (something like that, not in those exact words ). I said "no, why should I?". he backed off and went to sit back in his chair. I was able to get Maya to calm down enough to listen to my voice. She was starting to sit up, then the teacher raised his voice for some reason. My mind just went wrong... I was thinking.. "She's not stupid or hard of hearing, she can hear just fine!". I looked at him and motioned for him to lower his voice. i think I was rude, but she was starting to go back down again. He said "what is it?" I said "too loud". he caught on and lowered his voice. She started to participate, still a little bothered, but was starting to work with me. I sad next to her and tried to help her do wheat the other children were doing. ms. Alejandra came in, and something happened. M. Kicked me off, and started getting upset. I think the noise level had gone up again. Ms. Alejandra took over and M. Calmed down and started going back to the activity.
I spoke M's teacher about this. The speech therapy teacher makes me uncomfortable. Nothing he has done, nothing against him. He just has a loud personality, so I block it, it is too much. I am wondering if M. senses that. I told the teacher all this. I was a little concerned that she would think I am nuts. But I told her how I felt, literally. I told her next time I will unblock him, to see what is really there. I have tried not to look, I don't need more energy clutter. I will have to ground myself , and shield before I go to work in the morning on Thursday. Something is off with him, as far as I can see, he is just really stressed. We can maybe feel the tension, stress and frustration.
I am so excited about my new products.. :) I have been wondering if it would help children like M. calm down. I know I have my oil, and when I get totally stressed or scared, I will take it out and just smell it. Just a whiff of it helps. The mind is a powerful thing. I programmed mine to calm down with my oil that I carry. Anyone can do that, and possibly to just about any scent. But, I will follow the recipes, because those tend to work better for the appropriate purpose.
I want to find out what M. likes. I have no idea if she likes to touch soft things like plush, or slimy things in a cup, Play-do, I have no idea. Would be nice to find something that she can touch for just a moment, after she does her work, before starting the next portion. The again, it is possible that as she progresses in school. they might want her to stop using "crutches" so much. I personally do not see the problem. People seem obsessed with growing up. Only lately has it been accepted that adults have coloring books to reduce stress. I have a collection of stuffies at home. I sometimes like to hold one while watching TV because it makes me feel comfortable. I especially like them when I am sick or feel sad. I have a little leopard on my key-chain that was for when I fidget. I get fidgety waiting in line or things like that, especially when anxious. So I rub the leopard, and it keeps me grounded so to speak. It isn't something we advertise to people, we keep it quiet. I know some people hold their keys, others chew pens, or twirl their rings. Many people do this. If they were allowed to have a comfort thing, it would probably save a lot of pens.. LOL
Anyway, a little oil in your pocket could help reduce stress and anxiety, that is all I was trying to say. It is socially acceptable, and discreet. :P
Oopsie.. I strayed from the original conversation... again
I do not know really if this applies to M. But even if it doesn't, learning how to deal with this behavior can be so helpful.
We had a good day today, M. did her school work well. When she got to school she was pensive. Her mood was out of the ordinary; just quiet, almost sad, but not quite. When the thought of "sad?" crossed my mind, she smiled. I think she knew I was searching for clues.
When we worked on the white boards, she did great! she still glanced at the multiplication chart, but not a lot. She even wrote her own problems on one side. As usual, I tell her do the problems, I take a pic, and then she can have a chip. (token). Then I ask if she wants to erase the board, or shall I do it? She responds better if I give her choices. I noticed in that info about PDA. It says they like to be in charge. I see that she wants to be the one to make the choices. So I tested that approach and it worked (today). I notice that about things, and when I write math problems for her. One day I was putting a check mark when she finished one, and then go to the next problem. She took the marker and insisted to give herself a check mark. Not me, she had to do it. She does the same with other work, she gives herself a star.
Today, when she went on her Chrome book, she was on Math fluency. She was doing fine, but the addition was getting increasingly more difficult than last times. She made a mistake and got frustrated. I was able to calm her, and she continued. After she got a few wrong, she was mad. She did great: SHE HIT THE BREAK BUTTON when she started losing her cool. She actually stopped herself, calmed down and hit the break button. I thanked her for doing the right thing. I told her how I appreciated that she hit the button and calmed down, instead of getting mad. She sat quietly and cried softly. I talked to her softly and told her that it is OK to make mistakes. All we can do is learn and try again. I told her that she did right in asking for a break. We can continue in a few minutes and try again. When a few minutes were over, I asked her if she was OK, and we could now try again. She said "no", and got upset, but she didn't scream this time. I said "OK, we can do fluency in another way". So I asked the teacher for a worksheet. M. did her math on paper. I showed her how to pair 2 numbers and add the third. I showed her once! I didn't do it for her, (that makes her mad). I just showed her.. "These two numbers, you can add them, then add the top number". (We have done this before). She worked on it with no trouble at all, and finished it up.
After that, she was able to follow what the teacher was working on, on the board. She wrote it all down as I explained what the numbers were doing. I know she listened, even though it may take her a while to absorb it. I know.. Been there, done that. it all becomes a "grab now, think later", when you are frustrated or tired..
During recess, she did what she usually does, sit and sometimes play on the playground. Walking back to the classroom, she still tries to hold my hand, but only for a few seconds. It has to be her choice.. so I let it be this way. It is good. :)
After recess, we had to go to speech. I had no idea why she would get so mad in there. More often than not, she gets mad and starts throwing herself on me or the chair. The teacher gets frustrated and one time we actually had to almost carry her to go back to the classroom. The teacher actually had all the students leave and he turned off the lights. She still wouldn't straighten up. I managed to get her up and back to the classroom.
When we started, he used to tell me I can go, and come back for her later. I said I don't have anywhere to go, I stay. But I saw how she had issues. It has been difficult.
Today was no exception, but I think I know what is going on now. I talked to the teacher before, we thought of the humming of the neon lighting, or the sounds, or too bright. Nope.. Today I realized that the teacher raises his voice trying to get her attention. It's worse than trying to yell at a deaf person. While she was laid on the chair screaming, he kept speaking loudly.. "Do you want to go back to the classroom M? ...." Then he asked me as I was trying to calm her down. "have you tried any negative reinforcement with her?" I was so confused about that.. my head said "how can you even think of that?" But I didn't say it. I asked how. he said like telling her I will tell her teacher on her or something... threatening her with punishment maybe. (something like that, not in those exact words ). I said "no, why should I?". he backed off and went to sit back in his chair. I was able to get Maya to calm down enough to listen to my voice. She was starting to sit up, then the teacher raised his voice for some reason. My mind just went wrong... I was thinking.. "She's not stupid or hard of hearing, she can hear just fine!". I looked at him and motioned for him to lower his voice. i think I was rude, but she was starting to go back down again. He said "what is it?" I said "too loud". he caught on and lowered his voice. She started to participate, still a little bothered, but was starting to work with me. I sad next to her and tried to help her do wheat the other children were doing. ms. Alejandra came in, and something happened. M. Kicked me off, and started getting upset. I think the noise level had gone up again. Ms. Alejandra took over and M. Calmed down and started going back to the activity.
I spoke M's teacher about this. The speech therapy teacher makes me uncomfortable. Nothing he has done, nothing against him. He just has a loud personality, so I block it, it is too much. I am wondering if M. senses that. I told the teacher all this. I was a little concerned that she would think I am nuts. But I told her how I felt, literally. I told her next time I will unblock him, to see what is really there. I have tried not to look, I don't need more energy clutter. I will have to ground myself , and shield before I go to work in the morning on Thursday. Something is off with him, as far as I can see, he is just really stressed. We can maybe feel the tension, stress and frustration.
I am so excited about my new products.. :) I have been wondering if it would help children like M. calm down. I know I have my oil, and when I get totally stressed or scared, I will take it out and just smell it. Just a whiff of it helps. The mind is a powerful thing. I programmed mine to calm down with my oil that I carry. Anyone can do that, and possibly to just about any scent. But, I will follow the recipes, because those tend to work better for the appropriate purpose.
I want to find out what M. likes. I have no idea if she likes to touch soft things like plush, or slimy things in a cup, Play-do, I have no idea. Would be nice to find something that she can touch for just a moment, after she does her work, before starting the next portion. The again, it is possible that as she progresses in school. they might want her to stop using "crutches" so much. I personally do not see the problem. People seem obsessed with growing up. Only lately has it been accepted that adults have coloring books to reduce stress. I have a collection of stuffies at home. I sometimes like to hold one while watching TV because it makes me feel comfortable. I especially like them when I am sick or feel sad. I have a little leopard on my key-chain that was for when I fidget. I get fidgety waiting in line or things like that, especially when anxious. So I rub the leopard, and it keeps me grounded so to speak. It isn't something we advertise to people, we keep it quiet. I know some people hold their keys, others chew pens, or twirl their rings. Many people do this. If they were allowed to have a comfort thing, it would probably save a lot of pens.. LOL
Anyway, a little oil in your pocket could help reduce stress and anxiety, that is all I was trying to say. It is socially acceptable, and discreet. :P
Oopsie.. I strayed from the original conversation... again
Monday, April 17, 2017
Surprise Info
I posted in a special private group. Asking about empaths (like me) connecting with Autistic children like M. I am having such a difficult time with that part. I usually can "see" people.
I received a lot of such good information. Was a very enlightening post. I had comments from a couple of people who are Autistic, and some who were parents or family of someone who is autistic. This has helped me understand more.
I wanted to write about how today went, but more important than that is something I just found out. A mom of an autistic little boy spoke to me. She showed me some information and talked about her son. Such a precious little boy. She shared photos and videos of him. i know how hard it was for her, it hurt to think of it. I saw some great ideas. but most of all, she gave me information on something I never heard of before: "P.D.A." (Pathological Demand Avoidance)
I know this is going a little far. I also know I am not a psychiatrist and do not diagnose anyone. But the information matched what I see. I must read this a few times, so it sinks in right. I can then use it to work better with M. There has to be a way to work with her without all the fussing. If you call it that. I know it is as hard for her to be play tug of war with me, as it is hard for me to keep pulling.
We both need to get her to work on her studies. It will save her teacher another headache, and her from repeating school years. Her teacher is so caring and has the patience of a saint. But I feel like I need to get M. to make progress, so teacher will be happy.
The link to the explanation of P.D.A. is in my last post, under the Panda bear.
I received a lot of such good information. Was a very enlightening post. I had comments from a couple of people who are Autistic, and some who were parents or family of someone who is autistic. This has helped me understand more.
I wanted to write about how today went, but more important than that is something I just found out. A mom of an autistic little boy spoke to me. She showed me some information and talked about her son. Such a precious little boy. She shared photos and videos of him. i know how hard it was for her, it hurt to think of it. I saw some great ideas. but most of all, she gave me information on something I never heard of before: "P.D.A." (Pathological Demand Avoidance)
I know this is going a little far. I also know I am not a psychiatrist and do not diagnose anyone. But the information matched what I see. I must read this a few times, so it sinks in right. I can then use it to work better with M. There has to be a way to work with her without all the fussing. If you call it that. I know it is as hard for her to be play tug of war with me, as it is hard for me to keep pulling.
We both need to get her to work on her studies. It will save her teacher another headache, and her from repeating school years. Her teacher is so caring and has the patience of a saint. But I feel like I need to get M. to make progress, so teacher will be happy.
The link to the explanation of P.D.A. is in my last post, under the Panda bear.
Link
A very kind lady shared some great information with me. I need to keep it here because i want to keep it as a reference. Click on the Panda.
Thursday, April 13, 2017
Things are changing
There is always something new. Things go very well one day, and can turn in an instant.
The week before St. Patrick's Day was very good. M did well, she was listening to me, and doing as I asked; it was like coasting downhill.
When we came back from Spring break, we did well for a bit, but things change often.
I have been surprised on how well she has been doing in Music class. She pas attention and listens, even when I think she isn't listening; she will blurt out the answer. She looks excited to learn new things sometimes.
Lately it has been touch and go. She has been working well on and off, nothing major. But I ended up pushing her too far. I think it was good though.
You see, teacher asked me to do flash cards with her. She was ok with the first one, but after 2 of them, she started getting mad. She seemed to much rather play with the string, than answer my questions. I kept trying, but she threw herself on the floor. She ended up under her chair, and held onto it. I tried to get her up. No more being nice, I asked firmly for her to get up. I am trying to find out how much of this is Autism, and how much is just a child being will full. Most children, if not all, will test limits.
I crouched down and told her in a calm voice, "If you don't come out, we will do the flashcards right here." (Under the chair). She came out and sat in the chair again. I tried again, but she kept ignoring me and refusing to work with me. I told her, as I remind her often "We are in school, we are doing our school work; this is what we do." She answered me a couple of times and then she jumped up on the chair and jumped right onto me. I tried to steady myself, so she wouldn't fall and get hurt. I caught her, but she wasn't helping. I looked down and saw that she was on her tip toes, pushing towards me to knock me down. She kept screaming and thrashing. Teacher came to help me, and told her to stop; that was not acceptable behavior. She stopped. Teacher helped me get her down, and sit. She sat quietly and I spoke to the teacher. Told her I apologize, but this happened because she kept refusing to work. She expected me to leave her be when she threw herself on the floor. When she saw she couldn't get away with it, she got mad. This was just her not getting her way. Teacher said she could see that, and she understood. I felt bad because we were distracting the other students. These issues cause a disruption in her class, and I try to keep that to a minimum. Problem s that M. isn't getting her school work done that way. I need to keep her on task and focused as much as possible so she can make progress. She is very smart, and she does know a lot of the things she needs to do, the only issue is getting her to do them.
M. was ok for a while, and then we switched to computers. She had her Google Chrome and was to do math fluency. She pretended not to hear me when I asked her to log in. I logged her in, and asked her to start. So she immediately clicked and changed what I had picked for her. I changed it back. so she logged out. I logged her back in and told her.. "We are going to work on what your teacher asked; math " She started working on it, answered a few questions, then pressed all the keys and started getting wild on it; then closed it out. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "break!" I said no, we have not even done a small portion, we need to work. We can take a break after we work. I tried to click to continue, she grabbed my arms hard and would not let me touch the keyboard. I had to ask the teacher. "What now?" We both shook our heads. She seems to be upset by not getting away with what she wants. She wants to sit and play with the hand sanitizer, string and whatever she finds to attach to the string. That is it. We don't take that away, because it really makes her so upset. It will also break the trust she has in us, and that can't be repaired.
The next day I heard that she hit the other IA. Seems she didn't want to be made to do her work, so she punched her. Mind you, she is in fifth grade. I am wondering how much more difficult it can get when she is a teenager, if something isn't corrected now.
On the bright side, today was ok.. She did jump on Ms. M. during music class. and then she threw herself on a chair and the floor, screaming. But after that, she was good. She followed along with the class. She didn't look like it, but she was listening; she answered questions and even sang along. She kept looking at me to see if I was singing too. She even smiled and was being silly with me. The teacher said something about commas, and how important they are. Like the difference a comma makes. "I am,hungry. I want to eat, grandma. And I want to eat grandma. M. said "I want to eat you Miss Ana!" and pretended to eat my finger like a hot dog. She smiled! She followed along with reading notes and even understood them; it was good. I am not sure how things went to her throwing herself at the chair Ms. M was sitting in and screaming on the floor, to that. It was like a whole other person had done that.
After music, we had a little bit of class, and she did OK. She did very good on 2 digit multiplication. I took pictures of her work on the whiteboard. I gave her tokens (chips) each time we filled the board . During recess I was thinking so much on options. I see how she looks up to me, and when we walk to the playground, she looks for my hand. Almost like she makes it seem accidental. She grabs my hand carefully, never gripping. But it feels good to know that she understands somehow, that I mean well.
Some days like yesterday, make me want to run; and days like today make my heart feel warm. I know that if I go, someone else will take my place, and she will probably be OK. Maybe she will get someone who can do a better job than I can. Maybe not. I am so confused right now.
By the way, the day after the issue with the flash cards. We tried them again, and guess what? She did great! She knew the answers to most of them, and finished them.. twice! She just breezed through. She is very smart, she knows things, but she just seems bothered by having to do it.
I have a suspicion. It seems to me she is jut impatient. The way that she rather look at the multiplication chart instead of just answering, when she knows the answer so it seems like impatience to me. I get that way at times, but I know I have issues and need meds. I know that I get impatient because of my ADHD. The thing is, I can catch myself and take a breath. I can find coping mechanisms, and try my best to use them. She is a child, and cannot figure out how to calm herself down, and use coping mechanisms. She probably doesn't understand why she has to stop looking at the chart, or shy she has to slow down instead of throwing things when she gets frustrated. She might now know why she should have to. Maybe someone always fixes things for her, and keeps her as safe as possible. So why try?
Also.. in her mind.. Why should she have to do school work? It's not fun, it's not exciting to her. It is boring to her. I try to put myself in her place. I remember having to do math on the computer for school. I hated having to read the instructions. I hated long explanations, and had no patience. I would just try the exercises, and see if I could do them. I skipped a lot, but I understood that I wanted to finish it so I could get it over with. M. is very smart, she seems bored at times. But school can't always be fun. it must be hard for her to understand that too. And she seems so obsessed with the strings.
Sometimes I wonder, she talks a lot, quietly. (sometimes not so quietly) Seems repeating things from a video game or TV. She makes little voices and other voices, possibly imitating what she heard. She does this a lot when she goes for her walk, she seems to be on another world for a while. She sounds like a cartoon on an unattended TV. In my head I see it. it is odd, but I see it.
The week before St. Patrick's Day was very good. M did well, she was listening to me, and doing as I asked; it was like coasting downhill.
When we came back from Spring break, we did well for a bit, but things change often.
I have been surprised on how well she has been doing in Music class. She pas attention and listens, even when I think she isn't listening; she will blurt out the answer. She looks excited to learn new things sometimes.
Lately it has been touch and go. She has been working well on and off, nothing major. But I ended up pushing her too far. I think it was good though.
You see, teacher asked me to do flash cards with her. She was ok with the first one, but after 2 of them, she started getting mad. She seemed to much rather play with the string, than answer my questions. I kept trying, but she threw herself on the floor. She ended up under her chair, and held onto it. I tried to get her up. No more being nice, I asked firmly for her to get up. I am trying to find out how much of this is Autism, and how much is just a child being will full. Most children, if not all, will test limits.
I crouched down and told her in a calm voice, "If you don't come out, we will do the flashcards right here." (Under the chair). She came out and sat in the chair again. I tried again, but she kept ignoring me and refusing to work with me. I told her, as I remind her often "We are in school, we are doing our school work; this is what we do." She answered me a couple of times and then she jumped up on the chair and jumped right onto me. I tried to steady myself, so she wouldn't fall and get hurt. I caught her, but she wasn't helping. I looked down and saw that she was on her tip toes, pushing towards me to knock me down. She kept screaming and thrashing. Teacher came to help me, and told her to stop; that was not acceptable behavior. She stopped. Teacher helped me get her down, and sit. She sat quietly and I spoke to the teacher. Told her I apologize, but this happened because she kept refusing to work. She expected me to leave her be when she threw herself on the floor. When she saw she couldn't get away with it, she got mad. This was just her not getting her way. Teacher said she could see that, and she understood. I felt bad because we were distracting the other students. These issues cause a disruption in her class, and I try to keep that to a minimum. Problem s that M. isn't getting her school work done that way. I need to keep her on task and focused as much as possible so she can make progress. She is very smart, and she does know a lot of the things she needs to do, the only issue is getting her to do them.
M. was ok for a while, and then we switched to computers. She had her Google Chrome and was to do math fluency. She pretended not to hear me when I asked her to log in. I logged her in, and asked her to start. So she immediately clicked and changed what I had picked for her. I changed it back. so she logged out. I logged her back in and told her.. "We are going to work on what your teacher asked; math " She started working on it, answered a few questions, then pressed all the keys and started getting wild on it; then closed it out. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "break!" I said no, we have not even done a small portion, we need to work. We can take a break after we work. I tried to click to continue, she grabbed my arms hard and would not let me touch the keyboard. I had to ask the teacher. "What now?" We both shook our heads. She seems to be upset by not getting away with what she wants. She wants to sit and play with the hand sanitizer, string and whatever she finds to attach to the string. That is it. We don't take that away, because it really makes her so upset. It will also break the trust she has in us, and that can't be repaired.
The next day I heard that she hit the other IA. Seems she didn't want to be made to do her work, so she punched her. Mind you, she is in fifth grade. I am wondering how much more difficult it can get when she is a teenager, if something isn't corrected now.
On the bright side, today was ok.. She did jump on Ms. M. during music class. and then she threw herself on a chair and the floor, screaming. But after that, she was good. She followed along with the class. She didn't look like it, but she was listening; she answered questions and even sang along. She kept looking at me to see if I was singing too. She even smiled and was being silly with me. The teacher said something about commas, and how important they are. Like the difference a comma makes. "I am,hungry. I want to eat, grandma. And I want to eat grandma. M. said "I want to eat you Miss Ana!" and pretended to eat my finger like a hot dog. She smiled! She followed along with reading notes and even understood them; it was good. I am not sure how things went to her throwing herself at the chair Ms. M was sitting in and screaming on the floor, to that. It was like a whole other person had done that.
After music, we had a little bit of class, and she did OK. She did very good on 2 digit multiplication. I took pictures of her work on the whiteboard. I gave her tokens (chips) each time we filled the board . During recess I was thinking so much on options. I see how she looks up to me, and when we walk to the playground, she looks for my hand. Almost like she makes it seem accidental. She grabs my hand carefully, never gripping. But it feels good to know that she understands somehow, that I mean well.
Some days like yesterday, make me want to run; and days like today make my heart feel warm. I know that if I go, someone else will take my place, and she will probably be OK. Maybe she will get someone who can do a better job than I can. Maybe not. I am so confused right now.
By the way, the day after the issue with the flash cards. We tried them again, and guess what? She did great! She knew the answers to most of them, and finished them.. twice! She just breezed through. She is very smart, she knows things, but she just seems bothered by having to do it.
I have a suspicion. It seems to me she is jut impatient. The way that she rather look at the multiplication chart instead of just answering, when she knows the answer so it seems like impatience to me. I get that way at times, but I know I have issues and need meds. I know that I get impatient because of my ADHD. The thing is, I can catch myself and take a breath. I can find coping mechanisms, and try my best to use them. She is a child, and cannot figure out how to calm herself down, and use coping mechanisms. She probably doesn't understand why she has to stop looking at the chart, or shy she has to slow down instead of throwing things when she gets frustrated. She might now know why she should have to. Maybe someone always fixes things for her, and keeps her as safe as possible. So why try?
Also.. in her mind.. Why should she have to do school work? It's not fun, it's not exciting to her. It is boring to her. I try to put myself in her place. I remember having to do math on the computer for school. I hated having to read the instructions. I hated long explanations, and had no patience. I would just try the exercises, and see if I could do them. I skipped a lot, but I understood that I wanted to finish it so I could get it over with. M. is very smart, she seems bored at times. But school can't always be fun. it must be hard for her to understand that too. And she seems so obsessed with the strings.
Sometimes I wonder, she talks a lot, quietly. (sometimes not so quietly) Seems repeating things from a video game or TV. She makes little voices and other voices, possibly imitating what she heard. She does this a lot when she goes for her walk, she seems to be on another world for a while. She sounds like a cartoon on an unattended TV. In my head I see it. it is odd, but I see it.
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