There is always something new. Things go very well one day, and can turn in an instant.
The week before St. Patrick's Day was very good. M did well, she was listening to me, and doing as I asked; it was like coasting downhill.
When we came back from Spring break, we did well for a bit, but things change often.
I have been surprised on how well she has been doing in Music class. She pas attention and listens, even when I think she isn't listening; she will blurt out the answer. She looks excited to learn new things sometimes.
Lately it has been touch and go. She has been working well on and off, nothing major. But I ended up pushing her too far. I think it was good though.
You see, teacher asked me to do flash cards with her. She was ok with the first one, but after 2 of them, she started getting mad. She seemed to much rather play with the string, than answer my questions. I kept trying, but she threw herself on the floor. She ended up under her chair, and held onto it. I tried to get her up. No more being nice, I asked firmly for her to get up. I am trying to find out how much of this is Autism, and how much is just a child being will full. Most children, if not all, will test limits.
I crouched down and told her in a calm voice, "If you don't come out, we will do the flashcards right here." (Under the chair). She came out and sat in the chair again. I tried again, but she kept ignoring me and refusing to work with me. I told her, as I remind her often "We are in school, we are doing our school work; this is what we do." She answered me a couple of times and then she jumped up on the chair and jumped right onto me. I tried to steady myself, so she wouldn't fall and get hurt. I caught her, but she wasn't helping. I looked down and saw that she was on her tip toes, pushing towards me to knock me down. She kept screaming and thrashing. Teacher came to help me, and told her to stop; that was not acceptable behavior. She stopped. Teacher helped me get her down, and sit. She sat quietly and I spoke to the teacher. Told her I apologize, but this happened because she kept refusing to work. She expected me to leave her be when she threw herself on the floor. When she saw she couldn't get away with it, she got mad. This was just her not getting her way. Teacher said she could see that, and she understood. I felt bad because we were distracting the other students. These issues cause a disruption in her class, and I try to keep that to a minimum. Problem s that M. isn't getting her school work done that way. I need to keep her on task and focused as much as possible so she can make progress. She is very smart, and she does know a lot of the things she needs to do, the only issue is getting her to do them.
M. was ok for a while, and then we switched to computers. She had her Google Chrome and was to do math fluency. She pretended not to hear me when I asked her to log in. I logged her in, and asked her to start. So she immediately clicked and changed what I had picked for her. I changed it back. so she logged out. I logged her back in and told her.. "We are going to work on what your teacher asked; math " She started working on it, answered a few questions, then pressed all the keys and started getting wild on it; then closed it out. I asked her what she was doing. She said, "break!" I said no, we have not even done a small portion, we need to work. We can take a break after we work. I tried to click to continue, she grabbed my arms hard and would not let me touch the keyboard. I had to ask the teacher. "What now?" We both shook our heads. She seems to be upset by not getting away with what she wants. She wants to sit and play with the hand sanitizer, string and whatever she finds to attach to the string. That is it. We don't take that away, because it really makes her so upset. It will also break the trust she has in us, and that can't be repaired.
The next day I heard that she hit the other IA. Seems she didn't want to be made to do her work, so she punched her. Mind you, she is in fifth grade. I am wondering how much more difficult it can get when she is a teenager, if something isn't corrected now.
On the bright side, today was ok.. She did jump on Ms. M. during music class. and then she threw herself on a chair and the floor, screaming. But after that, she was good. She followed along with the class. She didn't look like it, but she was listening; she answered questions and even sang along. She kept looking at me to see if I was singing too. She even smiled and was being silly with me. The teacher said something about commas, and how important they are. Like the difference a comma makes. "I am,hungry. I want to eat, grandma. And I want to eat grandma. M. said "I want to eat you Miss Ana!" and pretended to eat my finger like a hot dog. She smiled! She followed along with reading notes and even understood them; it was good. I am not sure how things went to her throwing herself at the chair Ms. M was sitting in and screaming on the floor, to that. It was like a whole other person had done that.
After music, we had a little bit of class, and she did OK. She did very good on 2 digit multiplication. I took pictures of her work on the whiteboard. I gave her tokens (chips) each time we filled the board . During recess I was thinking so much on options. I see how she looks up to me, and when we walk to the playground, she looks for my hand. Almost like she makes it seem accidental. She grabs my hand carefully, never gripping. But it feels good to know that she understands somehow, that I mean well.
Some days like yesterday, make me want to run; and days like today make my heart feel warm. I know that if I go, someone else will take my place, and she will probably be OK. Maybe she will get someone who can do a better job than I can. Maybe not. I am so confused right now.
By the way, the day after the issue with the flash cards. We tried them again, and guess what? She did great! She knew the answers to most of them, and finished them.. twice! She just breezed through. She is very smart, she knows things, but she just seems bothered by having to do it.
I have a suspicion. It seems to me she is jut impatient. The way that she rather look at the multiplication chart instead of just answering, when she knows the answer so it seems like impatience to me. I get that way at times, but I know I have issues and need meds. I know that I get impatient because of my ADHD. The thing is, I can catch myself and take a breath. I can find coping mechanisms, and try my best to use them. She is a child, and cannot figure out how to calm herself down, and use coping mechanisms. She probably doesn't understand why she has to stop looking at the chart, or shy she has to slow down instead of throwing things when she gets frustrated. She might now know why she should have to. Maybe someone always fixes things for her, and keeps her as safe as possible. So why try?
Also.. in her mind.. Why should she have to do school work? It's not fun, it's not exciting to her. It is boring to her. I try to put myself in her place. I remember having to do math on the computer for school. I hated having to read the instructions. I hated long explanations, and had no patience. I would just try the exercises, and see if I could do them. I skipped a lot, but I understood that I wanted to finish it so I could get it over with. M. is very smart, she seems bored at times. But school can't always be fun. it must be hard for her to understand that too. And she seems so obsessed with the strings.
Sometimes I wonder, she talks a lot, quietly. (sometimes not so quietly) Seems repeating things from a video game or TV. She makes little voices and other voices, possibly imitating what she heard. She does this a lot when she goes for her walk, she seems to be on another world for a while. She sounds like a cartoon on an unattended TV. In my head I see it. it is odd, but I see it.
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